“If I just had a man, this would be so much better.”
“Things would be so much easier if I just made more money.”
“If I just lost the weight, everything would look better.”
These were real things I told myself on a daily basis. To me it made all the sense in the world – if I had more money, a better body, and a partner in crime, life would be significantly better.
But all of those things felt insurmountable. And I was in agony thinking that my whole world would change for the better if I “just” made these seemingly insurmountable changes.
I didn’t put my finger on it at the time, but what I was doing to myself was cruel.
I didn’t want the man, more money, and the weight loss to simply have them. But because I thought they would erase all barriers to my happiness.
Don’t get me wrong – I would feel happiness. I had great friends that were always up for hanging out. My life was great and I made sure to pay attention to the little things that made me smile. I was even losing weight, dating a ton, and steadily climbing the ladder at work. All of these things were great – but they were temporary.
Underneath the good times and social proof of a fabulous life I had a deeply seeded belief that I couldn’t have what I really wanted: Lasting, unshakable, ease of life.
And no matter what was going on in my life I told myself that true, deep happiness only comes with a man, even more money, and even less body fat.
But that was exactly the point – I was telling myself I needed these things to be happy. This wasn’t a fact of life.
This wasn’t the secret recipe for happiness.
In fact the real way to feel better was to stop holding myself to impossible standards- to stop being so cruel to myself.
Stop telling myself I have to “just” get over these insurmountable things. Stop beating myself up for the getting over said insurmountable feats. And stop using other people’s facades as a measurement for what I “could do if I get serious.”
The irony of the whole nightmare I created for myself was that the moment I *truly* gave up giving myself these cruel standards for happiness – my world changed.
I got the lasting, unshakable happiness. (And I got the man, too.)
Taking away the inner mean girl drama made life easier. And it led to further personal growth that has been priceless.
I often get asked how to “make it better.” If there were a magic pill to make it all better I’d say, before looking at relationships, before working on losing weight or changing your morning routines, look at how you’re talking to yourself. Start with changing that, and you’ll find your magic pill.
That’s the quickest way to change your world.
If you like what you read, check out these other articles by Andrea Hanson:
3. All Good Things Start Small
Are your ready to finally quiet that inner mean girl in your head and live life uncensored?
Check out Mean Girl Rehab here.