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Our egos get a bad name.
It’s time to stop trying to demolish “ego-driven” urges and start listening to it instead- you may be surprised.
On the journey of self-discovery, we have unwittingly created a villain.
Something that is responsible for all that is bad within us. All that is selfish and dishonest and uncaring. This villain is blamed for the wrongs and the hurt and the bad behavior in our lives.
The villain is our ego, and boy has it taken a beating.
So I’m going to stand up for the ego. Because I believe this blame and hatred is unwarranted.
No, the ego doesn’t like change. It doesn’t want us to take a deeper look at ourselves. It wants us to stay with the crowd.
Our ego is the keeper of irrational fear, uncertainty, mistrust, and victim stories galore. In fact, an ego-driven person is generally not so fun to be around.
So why am I sticking up for this part of our psyche? Why would I not want to obliterate it and free my clients from their evil egos forever?
Because it’s not like that.
Our ego creates good as well.
They’re responsible for self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-respect. Our ego helps organize our experiences, mitigate our not so nice impulses, and keeps us from being social pariahs.
Keeping us safe and viable is a big job.
And within that job, it may use certain defense mechanisms. If our ego is confused or threatened, it relies on certain tools. Just like we would if we wanted to fix something. It wants us to feel better, so it may employ denial, projection or repression.
Your ego is what says pushing away your hurtful feelings is a good idea.
It’s what deflects the ugly truth and focuses on ‘logical’ explanations instead.
Your ego is the one that says, “I already knew that” thereby telling you not to think about it anymore.
When on the track of self-awareness, we can look at these tools of deflection and denial as hurdles. They can get in the way of finding peace and happiness. They can be sneaky and even happen without us realizing it.
So we want to push away the ego and its actions.
We curse it as being self-centered and inflexible.
If we’re selfish, it gets the blame.
If we do something we’re not proud of, the ego gets blamed again.
It gets thrown under the bus time and time again.
Some say to be truly enlightened is to be ego-less.
I say hold on a minute.
We are one
This ego is a part of us. It’s a way in which our mind works. It’s a part of our rationale.
To call it out, to blame it, to curse the ego is to curse ourselves.
We treat the ego like it’s a separate entity, just getting in the way. We think the ego is against us and slowing down our self-improvement.
So we bash it. We blame it. We want nothing to do with it.
There’s just one problem. Our egos are an intrinsic part of ourselves. To bash the ego is to bash ourselves. And that never goes well.
To blame the ego is to deflect attention from what is really going on. (Ironically, playing a hand that it uses all the time).
All this ego bashing is simply another way to beat yourself up.
A better view.
Allow your ego to exist. Know its boundaries. Understand all the tools it uses so you can recognize the denial, deflection, projection, and fears. Use it for all the good it offers. The self-worth, individualism and the wisdom.
Yes, it has wisdom. Use it. Know it. Love your ego as you love yourself – because it’s a part of you. It’s just not the part that should do all the driving. That job belongs to a superior power within you. But you don’t have to bash your ego to find that power.
Make peace with it and pay attention to it instead of pushing it away.
Awareness of your ego is what stops it from running the show.
Awareness is what helps you be more aware of your whole self.
By allowing this part of you to simply be, you stop looking at the distractions and start looking at what is really going on.
Making peace with yourself as a whole, ego and all is what carries you forward onto great change.
Loving yourself as a whole is what makes those great changes permanent.
